lets talk about love

Sunday was Campus Valentine's Day. I saw one of my students at the checkout line at the grocery store. Her basket was full of snacks. She explained she had no boyfriend, and that she was going to spend the day with her roommates eating snacks until they popped because they didn't have boyfriends to share Campus Valentine's Day with. It sounds too familiar to me. Who likes Valentine's Day anyway?

So this week's topic question was: LOVE

As soon as I wrote it on the board I got a ear full of giggles from my girl students (goosettes) as Ned calls them because they giggle and bob their heads when they're around me.
My questions included:

Do we have the freedom to love who we wish?

Is true love forever?

Does love equal marriage? and vice versa

Do homosexuals have the freedom to love?

What about teenagers?

Do you fall in love for marriage? or do you fall in love to fall in love?

Chinese are traditional, and most of the girls agreed their parents would have a say in who they married. The boys all said they would be the ones to choose a mate. About half of the female students said they would marry a man they didn't love if he was rich. There is no taboo around money in China. Everyone openly admits they want to be rich, and that they admire people who have money.

Some people said homosexuality was not love. Why? I asked. Because it is illegal in China, they answered. But it is legal in other countries, and don't you think it exists anyway? Is the law always right? I said. Some said love between two men or two women was OK, and some argued that it was horrible. I was very happy when students got the ball rolling and were arguing with one another. Many of my Chinese students believe they shouldn't have the freedom to date in college because their main focus in studying. The Mongolians are more free spirited, and most of them have boyfriends or girlfriends. They don't see anything wrong with dating in college.


One bold student asked me: What do you think Amanda? Suppose someone fell in love with you in China. What would you do?

way to put me on the spot!


I explained that I've made a commitment to Ned. I told them I've fallen in love with many people, and that I will love many more people in my lifetime. I don't believe in forever love, I told them. I also believe that some people are destined to fall in love, but not be together, wheres others are together a long time.

The student countered, "But in China we say, 'if you look for forever love you will find forever love. If you don't look for forever love, you will not find it.'"

Several of my male students have openly voiced that they want girlfriends, and I find that surprising that they can't find girlfriends because the English department is 90% female. One male student told me, "Maybe I am not so handsome, but I try so hard, and I improve myself, but still no one loves me." He really is handsome, smart and funny. I don't know why he has trouble finding a girlfriend. He says it has to do with money. I guess so. Most Chinese girls are rather pragmatic for their age, and don't waste the time and energy of falling in love in college. Those boys though are lying in their cold dorm beds at night fantasizing of the day when they'll finally get their first kiss at the age of 32, when they've finished college secured a good job, and can support a woman.

It was satisfying for me, and also for my students to listen to everyone's distinct view of this thing we call love.